if i could hear you, what noise would you be to me?

why do i get hurt then. my chest is screaming tears out wishing i could take back time.

what if you're hurting someone, just to see what they look like when they're broken?

i have no one to blame but myself for wanting to give him everything.

i can only blame myself for letting him do this to me.

i'm too low to be angry right now.

would you let me color your pictures?

i'm moving in slow motion each second without you cause when you're around time goes by so fast.

slow down a little.

you speak and all the fireflies in the world burn inside of me.

when your voice goes down with a whisper.

i can't tell if you're true or a dream.

i wish my brain would stop racing. i don't wanna fall apart. i don't want to ever wake up in someone else's arms.

i sigh.

my heart and mind are protecting me from further loss, so this state will be temporary.

i hate the feeling of getting fragmented.

something old, new, borrowed, blue.

i remember the days before you left sometimes. toes on the sand. pictures of us kissing. you stealing flowers from people's gardens, you singing to Jeff Buckley's, giving me funny nicknames and all that awesome things you used to do.

but then i get back from my insides. and remember why you actually left.

you see, when you think about the people in your past, and what a big part of your life they still are, you think only about the good parts. you seem to forget for an instance what got your apart in the first place. so that happens when you get back together. you think you won the big prize, but then you realize there are no many things keeping you closer to one another. eventually all the fucked up shit that i hate about you would come up and i'd be sorry i ever trusted you again.

your body sleeping on my bed and the wind touching your hair was quite a sight, though.

to be honest, i love the fact that you're not around anymore. i learnt so much while being with you, so i can't say you were a waste of time, but this is me, falling out of love and i have a huge smile on my face.

you say you don't know how to forget. i say i had a tough time doing it myself as well. this always fighting love, kind of got the best of me. you dropped me into the highways of the stars, stars i found in the dark corners of your green eyes. you got to parts of me that were naive and ready to bloom, but i’ve been conscious and raging for a while, so i often think how fucked up we were back then. you keep trying to touch me like wanting something more, trying to show me how lovely it could be. but man, i'm untouchable.

dreams just come to me. they grab me and twist my eyes like i'm following a kite and rip me like dry tree branches. dreams are dark holes not even gravity allows me into. if you keep your eyes open for two more minutes, you'll see you don't know who this girl is, why you love her, and why you hold her like you knew you just lost her for good.

LeParadis

when the game is not over.

when there's no light on the way but my own.

when i get the chance to stare at you at night.

when i get to hallucinate.

when you close the door behind you.

when you meet me half way.

when you take me away.

when you remind me how bright the sun is.

when you make me realize i'm here and now.

when you lead me to a road that takes me back from where i was lost.

when you distract me.

when i sigh.

when i learn something new.

when we touch.

when i listen to my favourite songs.

when i take a picture.

when i get the releasing sense of getting tired.

when i can't hold myself.

when i know when to listen.

so when i believe in resistance, i believe in the radical possibilities of pleasure, babe.

i waste too much time being happy,

but it's paradise.

oblivion v/s awareness

from the condition of being completely forgotten to the full knowledge of it existance, i seem to wonder into a neverending forest of magic conscience. i can feel it's power in every corner of my body and running through my veins, going right through me. all the words unspoken, the sounds unheard, all the colors untasted. i see it so clear now it amazes me.

sounds are everywhere. from the beating of your heart to the beat of mine. we're connected in our highest frequencies, in our lowest inner sounds, we're connected by nature.

i close my eyes and all i see is you.

i guess that make us connect somehow too.

an empty heart and a love letter.

i think that when people find their matches they're not necesarily meant to be together forever. they could not be together at all. but when they find the half that was missing everything turns bright. even plain water tastes better. i discovered there's just one person in the whole world who is making me feel that way. someone i can look in the eyes and reveal myself, no fear.

i feel like i could get lost in you. and i can't fight the feeling.

i wish you knew how long i've been waiting for you.

i think i got sick, or just healed.

you make my head spin, my heart beat.

you take my breath away.

i'm half the person i used to be, because you're the other half of me.

you got me off the planet on a supersonic rocket. you can only imagine the view from up here.

in a perfect world we glow.

it's funny how hello is always accompanied with goodbye.

it's funny how good memories can start to make you cry.

it's funny how forever never seems to really last.

it's funny how much you'd lose if you forgot about your past.

it's funny how ''friends'' can just leave you when you're down.

it's funny how when you need someone they're never around.

it's funny how people change and think they're so much better.

it's funny how many lies can be packed in one love letter.

it's funny how people forgive even though they can't forget.

it's funny how one night can contain so much regret.

it's funny how ironic life turns out to be.

but the funniest part of all, is that none of this is funny to me.

Chaito no mas.

La hueá bonita. Qué onda Nicanor Parra? Escribir y demases. Un poco de la mente hacia afuera. Los ojos dados vuelta. La rima innecesaria. Pese a las nauseas y los vergonzosos tiritones, eso de escribir siempre ha logrado tranquilizarme. Pausa de dos minutos. Me estanco. Sí, es verdad. Qué onda Nicanor Parra? Yo todvía no lo consigo porque si me da susto me arranco. Pausa de cuatro minutos. Me estanco. Vienen recuerdos antiguos de los diez y seis cuando todo era tan complicado. Y me acordé de ti po, era como inevitable. Eres el bichito pataleando patas arriba pataleando. Cosas que trae el aire. Cómo será allá? Hay visto a la Dani? Se llamaba ''Tú nunca vai a ver esto pero te extraño mucho'' y decía:

Siempre me acuerdo de cómo eran las cosas antes, cuando estabai con nosotros. Cuando todavía nos reíamos por tonteras o cuando nos juntabamos a hacer limonada y a reirnos de tu vecina, te acordai? teniai un perrito chiquitito que se llamaba Nuez y parecía de juguete. Ponías una cara extraña para ver las noticias y siempre te burlabas de mi risa. Me decías que me callara, que parecía de mentira. Es que acá todos somos de mentira, y en ese entonces también eramos todos de mentira, yo te imaginaba a ti y tú? me imaginabai a mi? Me parece como si fuese ayer, pero han pasado varios años desde la última vez que te pregunté cuántas de azúcar le queríai poner al café.

Ese es tu chaito no mas po.
Qué hueá Nicanor Parra y morirse y la conchelalora. Supierai como me tratan tus papás, jaja. Qué hueá Nicanor Parra y morirse y la conchelalora. Yo no.

confession

i've been fucked so many times, i wish i knew how making love is like.

i'm scared. i'm so scared. i'm scared to death. but i'm not letting it out this time. fear screws me up every time. i'm gonna keep my mouth shut, try not to avoid eye contact and try my best to resist to say everything i want to say until you say it to me first.
i always end up saying it first and i screw it. i won't do it this time. i'm gonna let the feeling cover me until i feel weak in the knees and cry every night and bite my tongue 'til it bleeds.





did you say it?
''i love you''
''you changed my life''
did you ever said it?
''i don't wanna live without you''
cause this is it. it could all be gone tomorrow.