let's set fire.

you started it, but i will always get burn.
suffocating with cannabis the sweetheart boy, we won't ever leave this place. and i'll love you, every night more than the night before, and yes, it hurts, and yes, it will always hurt. and it's not like i want it to be over, i just want you too much. but you are too confused to keep one girl, aren't you? i'm being crushed by my own blind hope.
all the drugs that i didn't take
all the hearts that i didn't break
won't make the difference, but for one moment it turned oh so safe.

i am the the pieces of my broken heart dared to love. i am crushed crushed crushed. this is how close to each other we can get, we delete as applicable. maybe i should be careless about you and let the river go free like it always did.

at least i saw it coming.-

Soy más tuya que tú de mi.

you're breaking my heart, man.

over the past few months, it seems i've been sending out quite a pointless message. for a second i thought i meant something more than another doll in your love store's showcase.
it took me a while to finally accept that i am something you don't wanna think of. i am something you don't want. i'm everything you don't want. so now i see why it felt so much like a fairytale. but this is reality and these tears are justified tonight.
i like to think about you, though. you're so good at it and gave it to me just the way i like it. the smell of your skin. the amazing feeling like i could spend the rest of my days resting on your chest listening to your breathing. i wish you knew how nice you look when you sleep.

sunrise was never brighter.

can i meet you later? take you to the riverside, have a few party times, it will feel so right, honey. we'll walk into woods.
you can throw all your emotions out on my devotion while i write a list of all the things you did that made me smile.


i can't write.
it's always about him,
and he is not here anymore.
[was he ever?]

would i be out of line if i say i miss you?

what a crazy crazy feeling.

i've tried too many times to go away. after all, away is the only place i can stand myself in. i thought that maybe you would find your way there and take me back. but i'm still here without you and somewhow i can't stop waiting for you. i know i've could have done things differently holding myself from doing what i needed. i'm stuck. i didn't want it to get to an end but i barely can stand myself again. it's always easy to give in, specially when this feels like a dream to me. i wish it was real though. would you take a chance then? i'm putting myself out there, you know? i don't even know where i'm coming from, your face is looking less familiar every passing day and it's killing me. i can't focus, every little thing reminds me of you somehow. i have no strengh when it comes to let you go. here's where i should start considering to erase you completely. it happens at times like these, i seem a little far from the world. i don't much like waiting, would you come along? you found out all the things that could possibly win my heart, i don't think you were even trying. it's in your blood, your scent, your voice to keep me moving on.

if i had anything left to give i'd give it to you in a heartbeat. i hope i could find my way to your arms again. i'm sending this message out my window. i'm gonna let my body hit the floor for a last time, and may my heart stop pumping, and my love run out, but i'll remember the last moment i had you just like if it had been happening last night. when you are beside me everything bad fades away. i would give anything for having that feeling again. hold your hand next to my heart and stay there. this may be nostalgic, but nobody has ever kissed me like he does and i don’t think anybody will, cause when you kiss me you make me float on a cloud and set my mind back to zero. no images, no memories, no voices, no music, just the beating of a not-so-broken-anymore heart.

can't you see that you took everything away from me? just say the word and i'll be there. it's and offer i wouldn't dare to reject. would you? you slide right through me like no one ever before.

i want to see this as an introduction to better days, not like a failed mission. fate is fresh paper and you're my motherfucker ink.

my love speaks softly when i really love. i am what i am, but above all of what i truly am, i am what you are to me. there are dreams beyond these thoughts and words. i want you at the end of my road, being there to catch me when i fall. my mood seems to change when i take a big breath, but stars still melt off from my night sky vision.

what a crazy crazy feeling.

if i could hear you, what noise would you be to me?

why do i get hurt then. my chest is screaming tears out wishing i could take back time.

what if you're hurting someone, just to see what they look like when they're broken?

i have no one to blame but myself for wanting to give him everything.

i can only blame myself for letting him do this to me.

i'm too low to be angry right now.

would you let me color your pictures?

i'm moving in slow motion each second without you cause when you're around time goes by so fast.

slow down a little.

you speak and all the fireflies in the world burn inside of me.

when your voice goes down with a whisper.

i can't tell if you're true or a dream.

i wish my brain would stop racing. i don't wanna fall apart. i don't want to ever wake up in someone else's arms.

i sigh.

my heart and mind are protecting me from further loss, so this state will be temporary.

i hate the feeling of getting fragmented.

something old, new, borrowed, blue.

i remember the days before you left sometimes. toes on the sand. pictures of us kissing. you stealing flowers from people's gardens, you singing to Jeff Buckley's, giving me funny nicknames and all that awesome things you used to do.

but then i get back from my insides. and remember why you actually left.

you see, when you think about the people in your past, and what a big part of your life they still are, you think only about the good parts. you seem to forget for an instance what got your apart in the first place. so that happens when you get back together. you think you won the big prize, but then you realize there are no many things keeping you closer to one another. eventually all the fucked up shit that i hate about you would come up and i'd be sorry i ever trusted you again.

your body sleeping on my bed and the wind touching your hair was quite a sight, though.

to be honest, i love the fact that you're not around anymore. i learnt so much while being with you, so i can't say you were a waste of time, but this is me, falling out of love and i have a huge smile on my face.

you say you don't know how to forget. i say i had a tough time doing it myself as well. this always fighting love, kind of got the best of me. you dropped me into the highways of the stars, stars i found in the dark corners of your green eyes. you got to parts of me that were naive and ready to bloom, but i’ve been conscious and raging for a while, so i often think how fucked up we were back then. you keep trying to touch me like wanting something more, trying to show me how lovely it could be. but man, i'm untouchable.

dreams just come to me. they grab me and twist my eyes like i'm following a kite and rip me like dry tree branches. dreams are dark holes not even gravity allows me into. if you keep your eyes open for two more minutes, you'll see you don't know who this girl is, why you love her, and why you hold her like you knew you just lost her for good.

LeParadis

when the game is not over.

when there's no light on the way but my own.

when i get the chance to stare at you at night.

when i get to hallucinate.

when you close the door behind you.

when you meet me half way.

when you take me away.

when you remind me how bright the sun is.

when you make me realize i'm here and now.

when you lead me to a road that takes me back from where i was lost.

when you distract me.

when i sigh.

when i learn something new.

when we touch.

when i listen to my favourite songs.

when i take a picture.

when i get the releasing sense of getting tired.

when i can't hold myself.

when i know when to listen.

so when i believe in resistance, i believe in the radical possibilities of pleasure, babe.

i waste too much time being happy,

but it's paradise.

oblivion v/s awareness

from the condition of being completely forgotten to the full knowledge of it existance, i seem to wonder into a neverending forest of magic conscience. i can feel it's power in every corner of my body and running through my veins, going right through me. all the words unspoken, the sounds unheard, all the colors untasted. i see it so clear now it amazes me.

sounds are everywhere. from the beating of your heart to the beat of mine. we're connected in our highest frequencies, in our lowest inner sounds, we're connected by nature.

i close my eyes and all i see is you.

i guess that make us connect somehow too.

an empty heart and a love letter.

i think that when people find their matches they're not necesarily meant to be together forever. they could not be together at all. but when they find the half that was missing everything turns bright. even plain water tastes better. i discovered there's just one person in the whole world who is making me feel that way. someone i can look in the eyes and reveal myself, no fear.

i feel like i could get lost in you. and i can't fight the feeling.

i wish you knew how long i've been waiting for you.

i think i got sick, or just healed.

you make my head spin, my heart beat.

you take my breath away.

i'm half the person i used to be, because you're the other half of me.

you got me off the planet on a supersonic rocket. you can only imagine the view from up here.

in a perfect world we glow.

it's funny how hello is always accompanied with goodbye.

it's funny how good memories can start to make you cry.

it's funny how forever never seems to really last.

it's funny how much you'd lose if you forgot about your past.

it's funny how ''friends'' can just leave you when you're down.

it's funny how when you need someone they're never around.

it's funny how people change and think they're so much better.

it's funny how many lies can be packed in one love letter.

it's funny how people forgive even though they can't forget.

it's funny how one night can contain so much regret.

it's funny how ironic life turns out to be.

but the funniest part of all, is that none of this is funny to me.

Chaito no mas.

La hueá bonita. Qué onda Nicanor Parra? Escribir y demases. Un poco de la mente hacia afuera. Los ojos dados vuelta. La rima innecesaria. Pese a las nauseas y los vergonzosos tiritones, eso de escribir siempre ha logrado tranquilizarme. Pausa de dos minutos. Me estanco. Sí, es verdad. Qué onda Nicanor Parra? Yo todvía no lo consigo porque si me da susto me arranco. Pausa de cuatro minutos. Me estanco. Vienen recuerdos antiguos de los diez y seis cuando todo era tan complicado. Y me acordé de ti po, era como inevitable. Eres el bichito pataleando patas arriba pataleando. Cosas que trae el aire. Cómo será allá? Hay visto a la Dani? Se llamaba ''Tú nunca vai a ver esto pero te extraño mucho'' y decía:

Siempre me acuerdo de cómo eran las cosas antes, cuando estabai con nosotros. Cuando todavía nos reíamos por tonteras o cuando nos juntabamos a hacer limonada y a reirnos de tu vecina, te acordai? teniai un perrito chiquitito que se llamaba Nuez y parecía de juguete. Ponías una cara extraña para ver las noticias y siempre te burlabas de mi risa. Me decías que me callara, que parecía de mentira. Es que acá todos somos de mentira, y en ese entonces también eramos todos de mentira, yo te imaginaba a ti y tú? me imaginabai a mi? Me parece como si fuese ayer, pero han pasado varios años desde la última vez que te pregunté cuántas de azúcar le queríai poner al café.

Ese es tu chaito no mas po.
Qué hueá Nicanor Parra y morirse y la conchelalora. Supierai como me tratan tus papás, jaja. Qué hueá Nicanor Parra y morirse y la conchelalora. Yo no.

confession

i've been fucked so many times, i wish i knew how making love is like.

i'm scared. i'm so scared. i'm scared to death. but i'm not letting it out this time. fear screws me up every time. i'm gonna keep my mouth shut, try not to avoid eye contact and try my best to resist to say everything i want to say until you say it to me first.
i always end up saying it first and i screw it. i won't do it this time. i'm gonna let the feeling cover me until i feel weak in the knees and cry every night and bite my tongue 'til it bleeds.





did you say it?
''i love you''
''you changed my life''
did you ever said it?
''i don't wanna live without you''
cause this is it. it could all be gone tomorrow.

first heartache of the season

don't hurt me, baby. please don't hurt me. if you do i'll run out of love for ever. so don't hurt me.

painting a lie seeing the colors but you seem closer to everything

bajo las nubecitas, parte dos de miles.

he left. again. he always leaves. and i'm always waiting. but he won't come back this time. he wastes my time, he makes me fall in love, he gives me guilt and he makes me fall out of love just to play me to fall back in. it's always about love. love songs, love tears, love stabbing me in the back, etc when it's actually quite simple. we found each other and we got off, or at least you did. i just got left hanging. i wish i had you around all the time. you don't even remember me. my friends keep saying i'm better off without you and that it's your loss. i don't necessarily see it that way. you're not around and i lost everything. EVERYTHING. it works for you, so eventually it will work for me too.


you're not even here and i'm still twisting to fit your mold.

lighter as he pulls me closer

thank you for paying a little attention. it means the world to me.

i want to wrap myself around you and never let you go.

One fine day in the middle of the night,
Two dead boys got up to fight.
Back-to-back they faced one another,
Drew their swords and shot each other.
One was blind and the other couldn't see,
So they chose a dummy for a referee.
A blind man went to see fair play,
A dumb man went to shout "hooray!"
A deaf policeman heard the noise,
And came and shot the two dead boys.
A paralysed donkey walking by,
Kicked the copper in the eye,
Sent him through a rubber wall,
Into a dry ditch and drowned them all.
(If you don't believe this lie is true,
Ask the blind man -- he saw it too!)

no te lo cuento dos veces.

feathers on my breath

Rayuela, Capítulo 7.

Toco tu boca, con un dedo toco el borde de tu boca, voy dibujándola como si saliera de mi mano, como si por primera vez tu boca se entreabriera, y me basta cerrar los ojos para deshacerlo todo y recomenzar, hago nacer cada vez la boca que deseo, la boca que mi mano elige y te dibuja en la cara, una boca elegida entre todas, con soberana libertad elegida por mí para dibujarla con mi mano por tu cara, y que por un azar que no busco comprender coincide exactamente con tu boca que sonríe por debajo de la que mi mano te dibuja.Me miras, de cerca me miras, cada vez más de cerca y entonces jugamos al cíclope, nos miramos cada vez más de cerca y nuestros ojos se agrandan, se acercan entre sí, se superponen y los cíclopes se miran, respirando confundidos, las bocas se encuentran y luchan tibiamente, mordiéndose con los labios, apoyando apenas la lengua en los dientes, jugando en sus recintos donde un aire pesado va y viene con un perfume viejo y un silencio. Entonces mis manos buscan hundirse en tu pelo, acariciar lentamente la profundidad de tu pelo mientras nos besamos como si tuviéramos la boca llena de flores o de peces, de movimientos vivos, de fragancia oscura. Y si nos mordemos el dolor es dulce, y si nos ahogamos en un breve y terrible absorber simultáneo del aliento, esa instantánea muerte es bella. Y hay una sola saliva y un solo sabor a fruta madura, y yo te siento temblar contra mí como una luna en el agua.

Love me forever, or die trying.

Everything's so boring. Same shit every day. I'm five seconds away from believing that this world has nothing to offer me anymore. Or am i too hard to please? The point is, you're here now. My life is twice a mess as it was before, and i wanna die twice as fast as i wanted to die before. Can i go back to that night? Can i have you that close so i can smell your hair and kiss you on the lips with my eyes barely open while whispering your name out the window so so so so soft?
Damn, could you make me more miserable? Do i cross your mind at night while you're alone staring at your cracked ceiling?
Can i say to you how much i think about you or speak about you or how much i miss you and how fast i'm falling for you or just how much am i starting to love you?
I'm not gonna fuck this moment up by using that word.
If i die tonight, it better be during a fucking orgasm. And i make you responsable for it.




So, thank you for being that kind of boy.

Soon to be the 21st

i look at you with hate in my eyes because i love you so much.

always and forever (:

No sé cuántas maneras de describir este sentimiento tengo, pero me late el corazón tan fuerte que no puedo respirar. Maldito el día que te conocí. Ni te conocía y ya sabía. Ya sabía. Esa es la peor parte.
Quizás es predisposición, pero cuando se sabe de antes al final es más intenso y más dificil desligarse y ya no quiero saber más de ti.
No saber nada o saberlo todo. No me hables más o háblame siempre.
Me duele la guatita cuando me acuerdo de ti.
Es que eres
eres
eres
eres
ERES.

Qué me hiciste.

You ever wake up in the middle of the night because a couple of cats are clawing each other to death outside your window?

That's what it's like listening to you speak.-

i picture your face in the back of my eyes

hi little soldier.

I'm having this awful lack of inspiration phase and there's so much i need to vomit and i can't. I wish i could say goodbye, eventhough i'm quite alone and lonely and it's all right. Or at least that's how it's making me feel. I'm all right. I'm ok. I'm good. I'm pleased. I'm in harmony with this beautiful and loving universe i'm sinking in.
With all of this said, let me tell you that i'm missing those days when i had so much shit to throw to everybody. But now i have nothing but love to give to the world and it seems that no one would take it. I'm full of love. So please, if you don't feel loved and you're in need, don't be afraid to ask.
I wish i had someone new to love, though. I'm stuck with so many people. I'm stuck with so many people i can't believe it. I guess i'm not carefull enough when it comes to fall in love with people. I'd fall in love even with my dog. But whatever... dogs need love as well.





Ben Kenney kicks major ass, by the way.
He could get all of my love.


**************************

So high like i'm a star!